my own personal hell

I found myself in my own personal hell this morning. It's wierd because i've been in the same place before and haven't felt as disturbed as I did this time. After dropping Cami off at her meeting in Greenwood Village I proceeded to drive around in pursuit of a coffee shop where I could do some chillaxin in on this grey day. After driving for 20 minutes with no luck I found myself in Highlands Ranch, the land of suburban milk and honey. As you crest the hill on the road it all layed out before me. I felt like Joseph Smith during the mormon pilgrimage to Utah, "This is the place..." With cookie cutter houses, six lane roads, soccer moms in minivans and suburbans, flashy mega churches, and big box stores stretching to the horizon. Only my thoughts that came after 'This is the place' were: 'of our own demise'. As I looked out at row upon row of house, and lane upon lane of SUV I wondered out loud how we could sustain this? How can we build more, buy more, and drive more? Not only are we raping the earth of it's resources (merely because we want to), but we're insuring extreme poverty for more than half of the world. All because of our lack of mindfulness of the connection between our actions and their real impacts. And I mean we, because I recognize the consumption, and yet I sit idling in my truck that gets 15 mpg and is full of stuff. I want to really live what I believe, not just talk like I believe in sustainability.

But then I got lost in a maze of suburban roads that all look the same and end in cul de sacs...a beautiful mess of perfectly manicured grass and small dogs, oh suburbia.